This talk explores the cycle of emotional triggers in parenting, breaking it down into three key stages: before, during, and after. It emphasizes the importance of resourcing ourselves beforehand through self-care and awareness, recognizing the bodily and emotional signals of being triggered in the moment, and engaging in repair and healing afterward to strengthen relationships. Through participant insights, psychological frameworks, and reflective practices, the discussion highlights the power of self-compassion, accountability, and emotional resilience in navigating parenting challenges. Ultimately, the talk underscores that embracing our imperfections and fostering repair can deepen connections with our children and ourselves.
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It's been a while since I've been able to make the time to write. I'm feeling compelled now because something exciting is happening. I've been working a lot with people around triggers and it's been awesome to see the relief and change that's happening.
Okay, wait, what do I mean when I say "trigger?" Yes, I'm talking about those moments where we have a strong emotional reaction to something. But it's bigger than that.
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It’s probably no surprise that I went through a rebellious hippy counterculture phase in college (I might still be in that phase on some level). During that time I was seeking soulful culture.
When I say soulful culture I mean a culture that recognizes the innate and priceless value of all things and has reverence for the world.
It was clear this was not to be found in the confines of modern western culture; a culture known for commodification and quanitification.
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Some memories stand out as significant. Moments that were somehow pivotal, if not transformative. When a memory surfaces unbeckoned its something to pay attention to.
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If the Council of Fathers has even remotely piqued your interest, you’re probably wanting to know a bit more about the Parenting Philosophy that’s central to it all or if there is one.
Well, there are guiding principles which I break up into two categories:
Connection and Community
Growth and Learning
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Last week I came across these words from a teacher of mine:
“All the good intentions in the world won’t make us capable of honesty.
Denial is a response to pain; it’s not a conscious choice to go into denial - it’s an expression of what we don’t let ourselves know.
We can’t make ourselves be aware.
We can work to help ourselves come home to our own body, to be capable of working with what comes up in us, as well as what might be coming up in others when they tell us what their experience has been.
This is the beginning of true ecology”
- Thea Elijah
It is such a gift when someone puts such profound insight into words so clear and concise.
What struck me here the most….
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Things don’t always go as planned. The fact that they sometimes do, feels like a miracle. Our kiddos had the week off after a week of trading places on the sick bed and the interruption to our flow is no joke.
Sometimes it feels great to get a break from the monotony of the weekly rhythm. Other times it feels like the weekly rhythm is a third heartbeat, one that ensures proper circulation for the energy of the family system. When it’s interrupted, it’s like the family system is having a mini-heart attack.
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Over Thanksgiving weekend, surprise surprise, a family conflict arose. I (Noah) stepped in to assuage the tension and be the peacemaker (aka rescuer). Rachael then called me out with her fierce love. She said, “Noah, you may think you’re trying to help, but really, you’re just triggered and are trying to control the situation because you're uncomfortable.” I listened to her. I heard her. And then I listened into myself, and lo and behold, she was spot on.
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Here we are.
Enjoying the beautiful October sunlight in Boulder, CO. Embracing the magic of the changing colors. Pulling out warmer clothes and feeling their embrace, much like the hug of a friend we haven’t seen in some time.
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his is the third in a series exploring Self-Regulation: Read Part 1 and Part 2 on the blog.
How to Find Calm Amidst Wind & Fire of Emotions
If you’ve read the articles or anxiety or depression, you’ve started to catch on to the fact that Chinese medicine works with “Patterns of Disharmony” - we treat the pattern, rather than the symptom.
When it comes to pyschoemotional disregulation, aka “losing your sh*t”, there are a number of different possible patterns at play. For a practitioner, identifying the pattern is essential for treatment. I’ve found that understanding what’s going on can also be useful for many of the people I work with. So I’m going to share a little about some of the common patterns that are involved in emotional turmoil.
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