When Our Minds Move...

Boxes and Boxes. Stacked here and there. Packing paper strewn all over the place.

An ongoing echo, "Where should I put this?"

Moving is a huge undertaking.

Sorting. Cleaning. Junking. Saving. Grieving. Releasing. Crying. Organizing. Cursing. Laughing. Remembering. Grieving some more. Fighting. Repairing. Doubting. Celebrating. Grieving. Crying. Giving stuff away. Buying new stuff. Feeling Confused. Feeling happy. Feeling Sad. Feeling Hungry. Not Feeling Hungry. Sorting more. Moving things around. Looking at the room and moving things around again.

"Where do I put this?"

It's still fresh in my mind, and months later the experience still blows through my body like a wind. Somewhat processed, but, well there are layers...

Moving is inherently disorienting and unsettling. And while unpacking happens and settling in happens, there's nothing that equates to living in a place for a decade. The only thing that can give one that feeling of stability and rootedness is time. Hopefully it doesn't take a decade, but it takes time.

Now, one of my teachers likes to use moving as a metaphor for development and growth. We take for granted that kids grow up and have to re-orient and re-organize who they are in relationship to world many times over.

Imagine a world without object permanence. If you can't see it, it doesn't exist.

Then imagine having the capacity to remember, and to understand that the thing (or person) is simply hiding behind the couch or tree.

We take for granted that small children, and large children, and teenagers and young adults go through a developmental process, but sometimes forget that we also go through these processes.

My teacher would say that each time a person goes through a developmental shift like this, it’s like moving to a new house. And sometimes when we open the boxes, we don’t even recognize the things that are in them, let alone know where to put them.

As adults, we encounter more complexity and nuance along with new and bigger challenges. These challenges invite the structures in our minds to change. Because all of the sudden, the “house” of our mind, isn’t big enough to hold it all. Parenting (or parenting older kids), new work stressors, partnership patterns that can no longer bear not being upgraded, aging parents, climate change, political chaos, wildfires… there aren’t enough rooms in the house of our mind for it all.

So, if and when we’re resourced, and graced by some magic, our minds “move into a new home.”

When our minds move from one developmental stage to the next it can be just as disorienting for us as actually moving to a new home.

“Something’s different but I can’t quite put my finger on what…”

“I don’t really feel like I’m the same ‘me’ anymore, but I don’t really know who I am now…”

“Things don’t really make sense to me the way the used to, and it’s almost like everything feels meaningless.”

“I just can’t wrap my ahead around what’s going on, and I’m having trouble getting anything done…”

These are the kind of things I’ve heard myself say when my mind has moved, and they’re the kinds of things I’ve been hearing more and more of the folks I work with say.

I also hear them say that they feel seen and understood in a way they never had. And they tend to feel little clearer and more grounded at the end of a session.

Of course, having a map or a concept of what they’re going through is super helpful. When it feels like everything is kinda up in the air and maybe even falling apart, and you feel like you’re too grown up too be this confused, hearing, “Oh, it sounds like you’re stepping into a new territory of mind” can be a huge relief.

Sometimes anxiety and depression and the “blahs” and the “meh’s” and the “everything’s ‘fine’” are signs we’re stuck and we need to move.

And sometimes they’re a sign that we already are moving into something new and confusing. It’s actually a symptom of growth.

It’s helpful to have someone help us figure out which is which and where we’re at. And then to help us through whatever it is.

We don’t want to miss out on an opportunity to grow, or stay stuck somewhere that’s not right.

I’m very grateful we were able to hire movers to help us move to our new home…

I’m grateful I’ve had help navigating the moves my mind has made…

And, I’m grateful when I get to help someone else’s mind make one of these moves.

And, because this was a bit heady…it’s probably time to remember our bodies and take them for a little walk…

Holding you with Grace,

Noah