The Dance of Intimacy and Vulnerability (Part 3)

This is part of a 4 Part series. You may want to start with Part 1 and Part 2

If we’re going to be vulnerable and open to intimacy...

We Need to Be Courageous

Ultimately, a leap of faith is required at some point to test the waters. We have to take a risk and trust that we can handle what unfolds and navigate the outcomes of being vulnerability. Under most circumstances, we’re pleasantly surprised. Vulnerability and openness is disarming. Some people may be befuddled and uncomfortable and not know how to relate. Awkwardness might show its face. But most of the time, people open up in response to openness, they soften in response to softness, and they connect to invitation for connection.

Words that emanate from the heart, enter the heart - The Talmud, Blessings Tractate

It’s a Process

We tend to think of ourselves as static beings rather than unfolding processes, despite the evidence that we are constantly changing and growing (you are not your 3 year old self). It’s true that as we age we get more set in our ways and it takes more effort to shift patterns of behavior, but the effort is well worth it.

“Patterns of behavior” are exactly that, patterns. Patterns that can be re-organized and changed. If a pattern is not serving us, if staying closed off from our partner, if avoiding true intimacy with friends or family members, is numbing our relationship to life, we owe it to ourselves to try to change.

It's much easier to change patterns of behavior when we also treat the embodied

energetic patterns that go along with them.

The embodied piece is something that’s often missed. We try to force ourselves to stop eating certain foods, or to start exercising, or to be more confident, or more open and vulnerable, without a relationship to how these patterns of behavior live in our body. We’re disappointed  when we fall short.

Simple practices, like mini-body-scans both at relaxed and spacious points of the day, and in the midst of conflict or strife, can begin to clue us into where our emotions and impulses are living. More advanced practices, like diving deeply into the physical sensations of our emotions can help shed light on the deeper sources of the emotions and offer insight into how to change things.

It’s a process, often non-linear, so we make progress, and then fall short or get caught off guard, and then we get resourced and continue to make progress. It can be messy, but it makes a huge difference in our lives over the long run. And sometimes we need help to see the progress we’ve made.

So here’s an invitation to all of us. To cultivate relationships where safety and love are central, to stretch ourselves into discomfort, and to tap into courage. To explore new edges in our relationships. To take risks. To be in conversation with our bodies. To have faith in our ability to shift patterns, and patience with that process.

And, here’s an invitation to connect with us if you’d like support In shifting patterns and moving through the process.