Guiding Principles for Council of Fathers

If the Council of Fathers has even remotely piqued your interest, you’re probably wanting to know a bit more about the Parenting Philosophy that’s central to it all or if there is one.

Well, there are guiding principles which I break up into two categories

Connection and Community

The first category is connection with a tribe and a sense of belonging.

My intention is to create a space where men can show up however they are, whoever they are, and have an opportunity to share out loud in a space that’s respectful and honest. 

The idea here is that sharing can be supportive, even though it’s at times challenging. That “getting things off our chests” is vital for our mental and emotional health. Hearing where other people are also helps create a sense of togetherness.

Initially in these groups it’s less about responding to one another, and more about listening. As trust and relationships deepen, there’s more space for engagement and feedback. 

The guiding principles here are mutual and collective respect, meeting people where they’re at, courage to be vulnerable, curiosity and open-mindedness.

Growth and Skills

The second aspect of the Council of Fathers is about growth and skills. It’s an effort towards expansion of what we know intellectually, emotionally, and in our bodies. And it’s here that parenting philosophy may have some relevance. But here’s the catch.

I believe that the way we parent emerges from who we are.

This basically means that to work on our parenting, we work on ourselves. Because of this, anything and everything that unfolds in the Council of Fathers and its programs won’t just affect you as a father, but it will have an impact on who you are - at work, with your spouse, and with yourself.

If you’re hoping to become more patient, connected, and skillful in relating to your children, then the self cultivation tools we work with here are exactly right for you.

There are the 3 primary realms of growth we focus on in the Council of Fathers: cognitive, emotional and physical.

Cognitive/Intellectual Realm

As men, this is often our primary comfort zone and the territory we’re most familiar with. Here we equip ourselves with mental models and intellectual understanding. This could be information about childhood development, attachment styles, or the triune nervous system. Information can be very useful and is an important ingredient, but information alone often falls short.

Emotional Realm

This is territory that, often as men, we have some gaps around. Feeling our emotions can be difficult because it can be uncomfortable. Here we’re working with our window of tolerance and with the ability to attune to our children’s and partner’s feelings and needs. We engage in practices to expand our capacity to hold space for our children and patterns, to be able to meet the needs of a given situation without needing to control it.

We’re likely coming to the table with different backgrounds and experiences around emotions and emotional vulnerability and that’s okay. We just come as we are.

Physical Embodiment

This is important because in a lot of ways the body works as a bridge between the mind and emotions, and because we’re humans in physical form for a reason. Intellectual ideas are great, but real live action matters on a whole other level, especially when engaging with children who operate primarily on a physical level. Our bodies communicate a lot to us and it is through them that we connect with others.

The guiding principles here are curiosity and a willingness to step out of our comfort zone, and actively engaging with new information, emotional experiences, and ways of being in our bodies.

Hopefully this helps create a sense of how we approach things within the Councils, Learning, and Coaching sessions.

Feel free to ask questions.