After binge watching the first season of The Umbrella Academy, I realized I was thirsting for more magic in my life. I’ve been attempting to escape a dullness through shiny distractions. 

It’s hard to admit that this fall, the sensational golden leaves have not been able to ring the tone of enthusiasm in my heart. Exchanges with friends seem to hardly scratch the itching need for connection. It’s as though there’s a film, numbing me to the exquisite nature of reality. It couldn't have anything do with the confluence of wildfires, COVID spikes, and a pending election, could it?

This is hard to admit for many reasons, especially here on the Heartseed newsletter, because somewhere in my mind there’s a concern that sharing my pain may imply that my skills as a facilitator of healing aren’t all I chalk them up to be. Ironically, profound and beautiful work has been happening in the office as I support people to re-member themselves and their wholeness. It may be that being in touch with my own pain is part of what allows me to support others in the work they’re doing.

I’m sharing my recent experience of bleakness because I’m committed to honesty and integrity, and I’m committed to rewriting the Myth of Completion. The myth we’re all fed as children and as adults, that says it’s possible to somehow reach a state of permanent positivity and goodness. Even if intellectually we know it isn’t true, some part within most of us still believes it.

Perhaps once we dismantle the myth of “and they lived happily ever after” there will be space for a more accurate mythical story. A story that ends in “and they flowed through the cycles of their lives with Grace, experiencing heartbreaks that made room in their hearts for more love, and they lived a beautiful life, a real life.” 

Ultimately, what I’ve come to is that including the magic of life in living means coming to terms with the mundane. Cherishing the moments that are bright and sweet and perfect in every way and embracing the disjointed, awkward, and boring moments all the same. 

In these epically strange times, may we feel the heartbreaks deeply and let the appropriate tears and cries of grief grace the world with their presence. And may we also see the beauty and feel the joy, letting our laughter ring loud and smiles glow bright. Most importantly, may we find the courage and strength to hold it all in our tiring arms together, embracing the paradoxes that make living life both real and magical.

For those inclined to dancing (which we highly recommend), here's a new playlist.

With Love, Care, and Open Hearts,

Noah and Rachael